Colored pencils

"No one ever fails, they just simply give up."

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fuji syuusuke

I've always thought that smiling was one of my best qualities. In reality, however, it was a curse— A curse I will forever live with, a curse that I will forever regret having.

Special thanks to Kriselle De Leon for the Beta!

The whole story can be seen from my account: Wallflowerx07 since it was TOO long.

***Italics are the lryics


I’m so tired of being here,

“This can’t go on. This has to end now.”

I didn’t utter a word as I sat on one of the dining table’s chairs. My back faced her, but I could imagine the different sets of emotions that played on her features: sadness, anger, regret… all this to blame on me. I felt empty, hollow. No emotion ran through me, even if I clearly knew that my wife was about to leave for good. 

My eyes remained still, my elbows lay on the table and my hands were interlaced in front of me, with my chin rested on them.  My lips formed a straight line, no smile. It had been long gone…ever since…

suppressed by all of my childish fears.

“Goodbye, Syuusuke,” I heard her say, trying her best to hold back the tears so that she’d sound determined. I stayed rooted on my spot, with my eyes scanning her shadow’s retreating figure as she closed the door with a loud “thud”.

I was alone again. Like how I've always been.

If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.

I have never felt complete. Not since she left me.

I finally got up from my seat. I still remained stoic, and emotionless. Never had I thought that I could become so much like Tezuka. How ironic. The gentle, always smiling tennis player of Seigaku could not even manage a grin.

I looked at my surroundings; it was dark, like it has always been. Ever since I got married, light never really did get to shine upon this household, and it was completely my fault. I even dragged Mayura into this. She never felt my love because I wasn't a fair husband; I didn’t show her the love that she needed, I didn’t show her the care that she should have gotten, I didn’t give her the time that she deserved. We never should have gotten married in the first place. That’s why I didn’t dare stop her when she left, and I couldn’t ask for a second chance. Even if I did, I know that I’d just disappoint her in the end.

I crossed the dimly-lit room and made my way to the staircase.

Cause your presence still lingers here…

Before I made my first step, I noticed the table on the left of the stairs. It was a long table where I placed precious pictures that I took. Among those pictures, there was one that was facing down.

My eyes cast down to that frame; Mayura probably did that. I reached for the object and looked at it closely.

A girl with long, auburn hair and brown-colored orbs looked stunning in the picture. The locks of her hair danced gracefully along with the wind, and her eyes sparkled under the afternoon sun. She was looking directly at the camera – at me – with that shy smile on her face.

And it won’t leave me alone.

I dropped the picture frame and it shattered on the cold, hard floor. I could almost hear the piercing sound of the glass being broken into pieces. I fell to my knees, my hands on the shards of glass from the picture frame.  I started to cry.

These wounds won’t seem to heal,

The tears dropping seemed endless, and for some reason, no matter how I badly wanted to stop them, they won’t.

this pain is just too real,

 All these years of trying to perfect my self-control were destroyed by one single picture.

there’s just too much that time cannot erase.


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